Making it.

It’s been a crazy time. I can’t believe we’re already a quarter way through the year. I feel like I literally blinked and three months sped by. 

It wasn’t always easy time to pass, but it has definitely gotten easier. I’ve been working on my own project: janettephan.com, and I’ve also began a new role at work that is all being finalized in the next few weeks (so I’ll wait to announce more on that). :) 

I’ve just gotten back from my first time to Chicago. I was there for work and it was my first time attending, exhibiting, and putting on an event. It was a whirlwind but it turned out pretty great. I’m exhausted but it’s all been well worth it. Finally having the ability to focus all my energy on myself has been really great. 

I’ve been finding myself putting more and more of my faith into karma and balance in the universe. I’m not worried about getting even anymore; I think you get back what you put out in the world in some way shape or form. I go to sleep with a clear conscious every night, and it’s been so amazing. I’ve been so grateful with what fortunate things I’ve been given: an amazingly supportive family, great & true friends that have stuck by me, a great job with opportunities for growth, and mentors that have encouraged and helped me start my first website project. 

I guess you could say things are looking up. I’m not sure how this will all turn out in the end, but all I do know is that I damn well am going to make it. 

When it all falls apart, greater things come together.

I’ve been saying “yes.” 

Yes to I’m happy, and yes I’m everything else that comes along. 

It’s been a really great holiday, and at the same time a really difficult one. I’ve made it a choice not to really rush into anything or overcomplicate any decisions. Instead, I’ve spent my time signing up for color runs, rock climbing, and going to impromptu yoga classes. 

Why you ask? Why not.

I’ve got nothing to lose anymore, and everything to gain out of every and any uncomfortable or new experience.

The last few months have flown by, and pretty quickly, all that was left to miss was a memory of an idea, nothing real. 

I’m embracing the route life has taken me. It’s never perfect, but I always learn a lot. Here’s to 2013: less douche-bag, new opportunities, and a whole lot more awesome. 

I’m Thankful.

It’s already the week of Thanksgiving and I can’t believe how fast this year has almost passed. It’s been an overwhelming year so far, filled with highs and lows…and then some lower than lows. Within the past week I’ve felt so much better though, getting feedback from people, and also from people I never even really knew has been so reinforcing. It makes me really believe that my story isn’t over yet. I have a real chance and real happiness and fulfillment, in a healthy way.

I’m taking real time for myself. I’ve been starting some exciting things, and hopefully I’ll be able to share soon. For the first time I’m excited about things again, I think I almost forgot what this felt like.

So during this holiday of giving thanks, I’m so thankful for my family, and friends, whom I will never be able to repay for their continued love and support. I’m thankful for my job, for my health, and for the opportunities my life has offered me so far, and for the many opportunities that will manifest in the future.

On how I’m doing? I can’t control the actions of others, but what I do have control over is my reaction. Here I am reacting, my eyes set on my future. You better believe I’ll make it. I’m too angry, young, and stubborn to accept anything less. 

I’m excited for what’s next, the sky’s my limit. 

Now go and eat an absurd amount of food with the ones you love. :) Happy Thanksgiving friends. 

Integrity, Honesty & Empathy.

Today I found out startling news that felt like it shoved me twenty steps back to where I was. Just when I had felt some sort of grasp on things, more turmoil ensued. I feel completely betrayed. 

The only thing I could think today was how could a human being act so callously toward another one? Even watching the presidential election made me feel so disappointed in the way people were generalizing and treating one another. I know everything can’t always be easy to hear, but I believe in integrity, honesty, and empathy. When did we all lost sight of that? I think it’s all too easy to forget how hurtful our actions and words can be, and usually we’re too focused on how everything is affecting our own lives at that specific moment to even think about how anyone else is feeling. 

We tend to rationalize things to justify our actions, in order to mollify anything that jeopardizes the person we want to project ourselves to be. Own up to your actions, admit your mistakes, after all isn’t that what connects us all as humans? We all aren’t perfect, but  the ability to recognize when you’re wrong and the courage to own up to it is something we all should strive to attain. If not for our own clear conscious, then for the feelings of our fellow human beings. With all my heart I believe that exists in all of us, it’s just a matter of being open to it. 

Another Year, Another Birthday.

This time last year I would have never thought things would’ve played out the way that they did, and now here it is, I’m now 24. All I could ever want for my birthday this year is more patience and better perspective. If I’m too focused on crying over the small things, I’ll over look the real opportunities and what I’ve been blessed with already. The thing is, I’m already SO INCREDIBLY blessed. I’m overwhelmed with the amount of love and support I have had from my friends and family this past year. I can’t believe that I live in a beautiful city, I’m in good health, and I am free to explore whatever makes me happy. 

This past year has been some of those most incredible times in my life and also was some of the most painful, but I guess what I can take away from it is that it’s all part of the learning process. This year I’ve learned that I can’t always take the safe route, I took risks and I truly lived. I’ve never felt so alive, and I believe it was a glimpse of how it all could be if I just jumped in and stopped worrying about all the “What if’s?” Without experiences I would never be the person I am now, I have to put complete faith in that it’s all part of a bigger picture and part of my greater purpose. I may never have clear answers for any of those things, but all I can do is try to be the best person I can be and hope that it’s enough. 

And for me, that’s enough. 

To those who have hurt me: I forgive you.  

To those who have uplifted me: I am forever in your debt, and I will cherish you as if you were family forever.